25 août 2014
24 avr. 2009
i have a new category for Lv ''Feed yout BrAiN''(thanx to jefferson Airpla,la,lala ??!)
What 's a Taboo..?, an unvoiced comment? an unthinkable idea?(sorry for my translation ,iam so,so,so french!!),some unspeakable attitude,but there's some officials taboos,with inquisitiors and all the media circus,the well thinking lobbies with chuch,school,etablishment stamps, ''approved tabooo..whooo!'' and engraved in the collective unconscious,for built us a collective conscience,Moral(another monotheist concept,the good ,the bad/that primitive manicheism),this form of guilt create by the powerfull,the allmighties ''masters'' for dominate them powerless,impotent subjects by the cross the star or crescent and recently by the flag,colors blah,blah ..,Masters and slaves different times and always the same story, so my point is are we psychologically chained to some already written precepts,or are we free to think whatever we want think?is the censorship of some rulers,mods or else politically well thinkers do not guide our choices of thinking,and if yes is thoses new-inquisitors are fair(if one day inquisition was fair),,,exemple, ''Lv'' our common network,or dear network,who give us the freedom of speaking,chat,and you know...so why our dear mods tolarate some kind of porn,exhib,pics, vids,and else ? and in the same time refuse to some the right to speak about burning news, with some pernicious way of discrimination like, ''an error occurate...''we sorry you have been discon...'',''try later..'' and else,so,it's some kind of preventive censorship,or more aggressive some deleted account,my question is who are the censors?Some kinds of alien in a ufo or some common guys and girls who play '' God'' with this network and them criterias are purely subjectives like this porn liveshow have more suscribers, and this politic and news blog can create some trouble,no thinking than families,kids,common citizen will not down with them choices, and do the brains,the fun, the simple chat who were the ''must creative '' of ''Lv'' will be Taboo next few month and a new era of sex loosers and ''narco-dorks''(sorry one more time for my neologism it's our french background rrggghh!!"VADE RETRO SATANAS!!")so what is taboo ? an accurate and sensitive point of vue or an halloween pornstar overaged? before i used to know ..now "LV" Mods know for me..oh!Evolution,..when you hold us!!...you break our dreams...peace!
last day..
Last day in Heaven ......Eow slept deeply when i wake up last night around 4.30am ,i Couldn't sleep anymore, i just wanted to look at her,engrave her beauty in my mind,i feel bad not saying her that i leave Bangkok tonight (it's midnight here),maybe for ever,i didn't pack any bag,i'll just take my jacket, my passport, some cash,and my memories,an ''enchanted bracket',may be i'l call her from the airport,I put my gold ,my cash, my atm card and some papers she will need for the appartements and the restaurant,i put my keys too and few other things in a box money is not everythings but......it could help her....,i went down to the fruit and flower market,usually when i see the monks i let Eow buy the food for the temple and knees down listen the Monk prayers,me i wait and look, sometime a monk speak with me,want know about Europe and the rest of the world,this morning i bought the food ,and ask the monk to recite a mantra for Eow and put my knees down for the first time since iam here,iam not a believer,but if this can protect eow.....,when i came back she was still sleeping ,i stopped to the room service kitchen for make her favorite breakfast and put an orchid,in a vase i want her happy ,why spend a day to think ,see her sad and cry ,or so...,she'll understand,she know me,i say to her many time'' when you love people, no need they stay close to you, even if they gone they are in you ,if you really love someone,if he /her have to go for any reason do not force her/him to stay sometime it's more difficult for the one who go,it's not about loving or not loving it's just life,fair, unfair ..just life,with is beauty and is drama,..i tried to hanging on the web before she wake up but i was disconnect because of the weather here so i gave up,today we went to this park with a big lake take a lot of bread rent a small boat and feed the fishes ,hundreds of them surrounded us ,here everyone can feed them and nobody fish them so they have no fear and they dancing around the boat, i love see some sparkles in her eyes ,she full of life i gave her a nickname ''little squaw''because she love the countryside and so ingenuous,she named me her ''shooting star'' because '' she say ''iam a ray of light in the darkness.....yes a shooting star who come briefly.... shine shortly and go.......peace |
two days!!!
bloody thought, i drink try to loose my mind , take my plane ticket already,Eow don't know....could she understand,i want spend the few time we have make her happy,and if i die in the streets of paris,....so life is great but life is short, everythings i look remind me what i've done here and what i'll loose, but it's time to forget it's time to go..two days for keep the fragrance of the life, keep it warm in me,be a nightmare for my opponent,or be a dead body that's the choice the only one i see,when this war will let me free,i had two years...a lot of good time....but the world is small and even you want be blind or deft or mute,it's like a knife ripping you, and your heart can't stay blind forever,iam not a coward,i wanted...peace,but peace mean nothing for somes,they're too young for understand the lost,may be never goin' jail, and think it's a game,we call it ''the game'' it's ironic or cynic, it's sad,my last words to the guy who'll kill me...thanx,thanx for set me free
what are you speaking about?
what are you speaking about, boy? fame, glory, recognition, but for what ? i can't get you!don't you see around you! you want cash, the girls the fame, the dope , and the life who go with? you think you are the only one! you, youngster, you think you can afford that life? you want sale ''yeyoh'' like in movies you saw,do you forget about the blood,?no blood? i don't think you understand, ok! let me follow you, you need a territory first, so you young and brave so with a gun or a knife you'll get it, and when people will say that they take k from you , andno want pay you, what do you think you'll do?wankster, if you do nothing, many will came and you'll be the victim,take your gold , your dope, so! what will you do? have to be in the next step, the over side of the mirror, and for the cops too you'll be on the black list, the next promotion, a dear to hunt,if you lucky you'll make your time, 5 or 8 years full time,first year your lovely girlfriend will just come for tell you how its difficult for her to leave you ....but!no speak about ''your friends'' , it's the game boy, it's that the life you want? or you die young, a dice game, a shit game is that your fame? ok! you out of jail, on the streets, new blood, new game, no time for joke, so you'll be worst than ever, next time no jail, you will be consider public ennemy for cops , so next bullet... in your head... you on the edge,is that your glory! so my young friend there's no recognition, you just open a pandora box, and the next generation will lock you in and...where you go i came back,and went again and now please don't try to impress me ,look at me , iam alive , not because i was the smartest, the strongest, they die first, and i don't think it's a luck to be alive , i have to carry the weight of our mistake,so....find a real job, this is the worst, us we had no choice, we were war kids..........peace!
NO FEAR
My life change, I quit dope since 3 weeks now, ,, iam still out of that,and i don't know if it's a curse or else, these 3 weeks were hard ;, crash ,hospital ,and one of my best friend died in Paris ,2 bullet ..., 2 bullet for a 27 yrs old boy, i wrote a blog about,who spoke about put my step in the way of war,drink blood, put me back in a 2 years flash back,before i left france ,and why! but i erase it because for me peace 's not over and the life we choose , the life we die for have different goal for me now, my life change surely,and one of our friend convince me to not get involved, he had the words for',he said ,shortly that guy like me ''represent hope for all of us,'' and there's many story about how i quit,and how much cash i get, some are true ,some are fake, but it's life and let the youngest ride the big waves ,if they want to, i never gave up, i'll never give up, but we are all in different steps in life , and ''where they go, i am on the way back ''so now ,i have no fears so when Last days , my comp was attaked,i thought, look, now you have time, time for think, time for cry, time for forgive, time for share , and let the civil servant try to hack you,it look like more victim face who want be hooligans ,it don't match! ,but iam french and polite so ,when we find something in front of our door(can't get in???!) it's a duty for us to give back to the owner(have a nice week, you out !!),but it's not my point;no matter how many hard knocks you have to endure, it's the path you take for raise.........peace!
heart and blood:::Bangkok Gangs war
I called france this Morning ,I worked all night, with some internet breaks,but i almost finished my last work , so i made pictures that i send by mail ,Itried to slept after that,phone rang over and over but i was too tired for speak,I woke up around midnight, tried to give a last touch ,my head spinned,my right arm shaked,i couldn't breath my heart hurts me badly everytime i tried to have some air its a deep* pain ,I didn't want go hospital, for 2 reason, I wait some cash and i don't wanted spend the few i have for wait ,I hoped it was just for five minutes, but progressivly the pain grew ,my breath 's short,I fainding, I don't remember how and when Eow drive me to hospital,ton and his girl friends accompany us ,its Eow, she was scared,no money so she called them,When we arrived in Paolo Hospital i was so weak i couldn't go to the wheel chair by myself, i remember rescue mens and girls running in the emergency room,the red lights dancing on the walls ,there were many young guys in the emergency room,a lot of blood too,one of them, i didn't saw him ,but Eow told me that he had no face anymore,3 are wounded badly,and theres a lot a lot of tattoos in the room, i have somes ,ton have some he's girl friend have a full back tattoo, Eow too,the Male and female nurses were scared ,Ton put a glock31(357sig) under my sheet and his look want say take care, he went, i do not no where,boys came to look at me time to time , but not a big deal, iam not in war with anyone at this time,I saw Eow spoke with a nurse for the kind of room she wanted for us, Ton's girl friend ask her to refuse the room, take the treatment and leave quickly,it's not our war, had many tubes and cables on my body ,i disconnect everything, when i try to stand up many of ours friends were in the room , ton called the gang ,they worried about me ,it's touched me that all those guys came in the middle of the night for care us, i was impress by the quick move ,on the way back home we saw the motorcycles and the crahed cars of the guys ,a lot of cops blocked the avenue ,one of the boy told me that; things change in Bangkok ,and the masters of yesterday are the targets of today,Police shoot them, like a lot of them friends it's obvious that it's the obituary times now, the k*** Gang is exterminatd since three months, theres not a day without deads or slained,we all know it's a police job,becauses the teams here are managed by boss who are cops or Army,and like everywhere in the world the dirty jobs are made by small hands....So now iam home,the pain still in my chest,they gave me some painkiller,''Eow had the good idea to speak about self rehab,so......there's my heart,them blood........the Bangkok beat.........new day rising......peace
do i have to care
why iam not Monotheist or an animist or whatever else..Iam just Hermetik to that ,but not in the way that westerner ''Atheist'' loved and liked be seen ( secrets societies, with cryptics signs and all the circus they made for show others ''how they different''(like Roland Barthe used to said ''they wearing sunglasses night time for be not considering but everybody look at them because of the sunglasses,so they wanted be seen unseen?????!!!!),thoses kind of behaviours are not fitting the original philosophy of Hermes Trismegiste(for the ones who read him, they understand ) but anyway,in fact the real point is that Atheism's just an opposition of the monotheisms;,could be christian, muslim,jewish variations or else, So even if it's claimed non believers, the Roots of this precepts are the same, so the moral (monotheist concept),the Good, the bad,the heaven ,the hell,the ,all of theses manicheans diagrams have the same origins ,but if you think like someone non corrupted (original meaning!) by this religious background and think with good senses ,and a critic objective mind,,you'llunderstand that all theses beliefs or non-beliefs were just made for reassure( the ones who suscribe) about fear of death , empty spaces ,and for every unexplains events and other questions, the submition answer is the cheapest and very comfortable ,but if we cross the wall of fears, going to the overside of the mirror,couldn't we see more than us,the reals gods are the sun(the one who see you everyday's ,the one you can't see in the eyes, Al Q'ran),the planets,the real titans are the galaxy and the perpetuals cycles,we are mortal,not eternal, we are just the eyes of the universe,''the watchers'' a kind of parasits of the terrestrial coats, Do you really think that we human kind, did in the last 60 years,hightech evolution,nanotech,world network'' etcoetera''....be un made in the last 60000 years of ''homo-sapian'' history,some steps we made were re-evolutional((?))(sorry for my english)others regression, but is the evolution a good thing, is the regression a good thing,what do we have?are we like elephants in porcelains shop?the spoiled kids breaking them best gifts and toys?do we deserve the right to stay on this planet? Or simply the real answer it's that there's no answers to look for(Ismaelian wise), because the earth our ship decide of the crew who are in charge, not us,we are just guests,the planet is a living macro organism,the time is an human concept,a mind creation,like everythings we ''create''and have no links with the universe moves,SO when will we be adults enough to understand our fragility,and respect ourselves and the world around us.....iam not a believer, do i have to care?......peaceCategory:
The bank or river side..
The bank or river side..
today normaly should have to be a great day, Eow had to go to her bank for release the funds we earned this month,she waked up early ,she was so happy to make a surprise for me,when she came back i was in the shower, i didn't heard cried first,because of water noise,she was confused some one took all of her money at the bank! i said to her that's impossible ! if she gave a check and if the bank do not wanted paid her because she didn't show her i.d first time she went, nobody could take for her, there's a mistake some where......Now i have an headache ,viewing in four hours 2 days bank video in the manager office(this guy upseted me, so i use his comp, and show him tht Eow 's not a liar,) and after find the scene when Eow fill the form and give in proper hands the paper to an employee,(it was 5pm)i obliged them to apologize to her and the refill her account iimmediatly, the bank cashier was already close since an hour,so we wait for tommorrow,anyway, she smiled again, i saw the pride in her eyes,so no money today, it's ok, i know how to make her happy with afew, so i didn't wanted catch a cab on the way back, i asked for a walk together,in the small streets of bangkok, the ones who are not in the postcards, so we walked, and find a street restaurant really cheap, friendly,we joked about the fact we were broke but happy, and i know the lanes who put us right close to the ''khlongs''(channels), she was fill with wonder, i know really well this sides of the city, she didn't knew it, we stayed with some of my relatives, poor peoples but nice people, the kids,the old women, the mother cooking, some traditional thai music, Eow tell me she never want take a cab anymore, now she know how to get back room ,more quickly and more funny,it was difficult to keep her back home ....but the most important,she's more happy than this morning, ..peace
unfair
iam mad of this year it started with fire on new year eve in the Zantika club in Bangkok,we had to be at the last party(after this one the club had to close forever),but my ex girlfriend called me and Eow was upset,she did'nt wanted go, so i find a compromise and asked her to wait the midnight count ,let my ex and friends leave the club and be there at 1.00am for see the rest of our common friends who waited us, first,when we spoke with the taxi driver he was surprised we wanted go Zantika club,because he heard there's a fire started an everybodies evacuate the place,when we arrived near the lane a massive group of people were shouting ,screaming,some on the ground ,a lot of cars blocking the main street and fire mens and police couldn't deploy,we stayed shocked, i remember me cryng by rage and my friend throwing out ,it was a nightmare,young people deseperatly trying break window for fresh air and escape but bars ceiling them in that fire grave ,some guys ,courageous guys went back inside for helped others,...they never went out... two of our friends died in this drama ,it's until now painfull for everyones who saw that ,two weeks later my mother call for told me to came back in france because my dear stepfather passed , when we came in paris ,news was bad too ,friends killing each others for money,one of my best friend was killed because he wanted to help a guy in a gas station ,he just stopped for refill his car,the guy was involved in a fight,he didn;t see the second car full of opponent who slaughtered him,just because he was tall and they were scared, he had time to knock down three of them before a chop opened his heart, when police came he was alive but the rescue taked time and after one hour struggle for his life he gaved up,i wanted leave France the most quickly as it could be,no comment of my personnal problem with french officials,have to cross by belgium for catch a plane,they take my money ,my house ,my barge not my freedom,and here i wanted to forget, wanted a new start , new virgin territorry for a new life, two years of amnesia,voluntary amnesia,and this accident with cake, today my Lv friend (Djtaz)who cried and told me about he's bestfriend who loose her boyfriend 3 day before get married,iam sorry for her ,iam sorry for him ,life's unfair,but we got to move on...this year s***k, but we got to move on.....peace
iam your friend girl
the hospital call me, Cake call me, she cried, she do not remember that i came yesterday,she thought we forget her ...what can i said..just let her speak, until she calm down , and slowly ,kindly try to explain and prove her i came..speak about the color of her sheet the name of the nurse who take care her, the gift i putted under her pillow and the words i had when she was asleep, ''i love you lady, you are my friend girl, iam sorry seeing you like this....''i turn the speakers on ,Eow was shocked ,she cried too, angry see our friend loosing memory,i said that it's normal, even if i don't even know if it's true ,i wanted secure her 'warm her heart, cool her mind,iam scare about complication, iam scare simply scare,but do i have to show, i want her stay awake if she can ,nurse told me that she have pass a new scan today , it'll be good if we come stay ,and speak about our friendship about our common memory, it's help her to remind...i'll try , i'll do my best....we love you girl....iam your friend... peace.
''PI...!!
''Pi'' pronounce''p'',it's the thai word for ghost, spirit, lost souls,something who scare people here, if you forget about hysterical cases,of girls and boys who smoke too much ''ya'' or ''e'' and the lunatics, there's some ''p'',but they are not all the same ,you have violent ''poltergeist'',lost crying souls,ghoul, evil,but most here are violent death who are prisonner of an inter space, people here are really scare for many reason ,valuable ones and others ones who are more governemental psychological slavery bet on the animism of tribes and put some subliminal(or not) image on screens for engrave in heads the fear and gain the respect of religious authority,so the governement authority,thai peoples are very receptive because of their background, it's them devotion to temple who feed thoses beliefs, but when it's a true case it's really scary, it can be the result of girl jealousy, family bad intentions and many differnt origin, but here just a few know how to drive when they open the pandora box, if you miss your goal it's like a boomerang,theses soul who stayed ten, twenty,hundred or thousand years in a sort of purgatory,you can't ask them to work for you with no knowledge, because the only reason they obey it 's because they normally earn the right to be free and go for a new purificated cycle , if you call one boy for a job and it's a girl who show up you have to know what you do because they are not coming back in the same mood they came first they can decide to stay with you until your soon death,make you act crazy, if you haven;t the right words ,it's a result of our society ,everyone think is the equal of everyone and think he can fix a situation like any gifted wizard or shaman' make us believe that we are all the same with no hierarchy, but our souls are like close fist,sometime when we open just little our fist we can let get in some un wanted spirit, when we are tired ,on drug,and if you work this way you have to be really sharp minded, it's a game with no way back, so ,why this beautiful girl get naked on the street, why this boy jump over the bridge, why this ,or why that.. i know many people who turn crazy and accuse spirit instead of a violent desillusion or the fate...but they still exist.....peace
hush.!...she's sleeping
she never complain, she's my no problem girl, Eow she do her best every time never want me to help her feed me like iam her baby, care a lot of my well being, but who take care about her, she's asleep now..i look at her and i admire her,she had hard time too ,but she stay like an untouch flower,she can make 300km for find what i need ,and don't say a word of complain, who is lucky! she always love to say that Buddha put me on her way, but,if Buddha still around i think he put her on my way, who is like this, giving and wait nothing in return ,this girl is gifted of beauty and every quality modern world ask for,but she blessed,and humble.After tommorrow it's her birthday so,hush! let her sleep and go prepare a great day....love you girl,peace.
living forever..
night is falling on the city,the kids playing on the street,somes working to help them parents fill the pick-up ,the food market is close yet,i,like market at night, can buy quickly and vanish in the night,fresh fish barbecue,chicken,beef,sticky rice,and fruit in palm leave '''Issan market'' from the name of north east tribe, ''Renoo',''Kamin'',''Lao'',''Meo'',''Akha'',''Yao'',''Kareen'',alls thoses tribes,mix in a nation,Thai Tribes are for me in a way same as Native American-Indians force to live together with them differnce,with them specificities,they are proud ,and they are Strong, this Country was Never colonized because of them Sacrifice,They are the Keepers of ancient knowledge,ancient rites,You can cross them territories hundred of time ,you'll never see anithing if they don't want . But as a Chaman said to me ...'when you're open your heart,...you open your mind'',So be Humble if you come here ,do not think that you can teach anything that they already know, seat and learn...respect it's always the same thing, when i was asleep this afternoon , i didn't know if it was the tv or in my dream but i heard an old man say to me..we'll only will live forever, just by the tracks we'll let behind us'',isn't that a ''real man''(native american) way of speaking....i have Lakota blood in my family,may be it's for that i always felt outcast in France, never understood when in 9/11 tragic events the tv showed the towers burning in half screen and the stock exchanges values in the over half of screen....my father's alway told me a gallon/liter of blood is ten time more expensive than a gallon of gold, life 's priceless for who know the cost of the lost, why did guy like me used drugs, it's easy to understand ,it'was my ''fire'water'' for stabilize my mind ,and stop the inside bleeding..i said to my mother long time ago,''my heart is just dry blood and dry tears ...i regret the tears she cryed ..saw her son hermetic to any feelings, i was young and crazy full of pain full of rage seeing my closest friends dying one by one, saw my best friend died in my arms ,going jail for not speaking, i was a real innocent,but they changed me in a wolf in an angry wolf,i spent 3 christmas eve in isolation naked they came beat me every two hours, synthetic light24/7 wanted drowned me with a fireman water lance i had to exercise for not dying jumping and running in a room 1.50meter on 2.50 for stayed alive,when they ''feed me'' 3 time a day it was an half bread and hot watercolorised like coffee no sugar,and the dinner they came with the rest of what other inmates didn't wanted even dogs didn't eat boiled vegetable and boiled small piece of meat in a bowl with abig hole so i had to put my hand underif wanted not loosng the juice it always burned my hand but i didn't care i didn't showed them the pain, i never scream, or even said a word when they beated me i didn't wanted show them what they wanted see ...a broken man.. i made time before transcend all of this many years and many mistakes, many time i put my life in jeopardize..live on the edge always on the edge for feel how iam alive... but time ...and death.. kid death...here in pukhet when the tsunami came i was in bangkok not like now i was just on buisness vacationand i receive a call from a friend who told me to take a little girl in phi phi island she was the daughter of one of my good friend who died in this trgedy ,the girl was alive because she saw animals escape ,dogs barking and rats l every beings went in the same direction she followed them.. i came two day after the tragedy i paid army sailors they didn't want anycivilians in the area ..and for cause , it was like the sea swallowed every things kept with her and give back to the beach ...i walked over bodies most was dress in white and blue..the school kids uniform in thailand so i find the girl ,shocked but courageous ,i said to her to look her feet ''do not look around you, please listen to me , just look your feet'' her friends ,her father and me a perfect stranger for her i knew her she was a baby but she couldn't remember so what could i say to her just keep the pain keep her warm and find a way to send her back to france , and for that i want to thanks tha total incapability of the french ambassy and the french official, just simple and humble people helped us no one else ..so why i was angry.. why i used drugs theres many similar stories i can tell real stories who keep mens like me on the over side of the mirror but one day some have to come back.. not for stay ,no.. for explain.we are witness of our world ..we our witness of the human bean fragility and how this world could change if we have an empty memory.....peace
one night in Rayong
Rayong was great, In fact Eow take my jacket but left me some cash i didn't see,some time when i wake up iam nt here, so i jumped in a cab went see Cake stayed with her spoke with her even she was asleep, and call Kieushap a friend i needeed a bike ,mine was gone with Eow, so i drived alone about200ki/h stopped one time for gaz and drink a coffee ,stay half an hour on this spot and ride again until i felt the salty air of the sea ... Eow was already on the beach when i show up ,making a kind of savage Bbq, she was with her sister and her boyfriend,whe spent most of the time in the sand i love to hear the sound of the waves ,lay on the beach i tought , there's just here i can see the horizon,it's true south it;s the antartic so nothing between us and south,this morning around 5am we saw fishermens on them small boat fishing with the light of them torch i like feeling me like hundreds years before no sound pollution no visual pollution just men and elements ,the shrimps made akind of dance jumping alltogether one time at right one time at left ,but it's not a dance ,they try to ecape some fishs jaws,the beauty of nature could be cruel,a show for us ,a race for life for sea beings....I started my 400cc engine this sound ripping the silence,.....sunrise.. i have to be in Bangkok this morning ,I kiss Eow ,she's asleep she asked me to wait for her but i feel staying alone this morning i want to have a fresh air on my skin drive non stop to Bangkok,and have time to think of my life,need to be alone for that...did i made the right choices...did iam not waisted my life in vain...do i really want this or that...do iam a good friend,a good father, who care of well being of his family....drive....ride.....let's our mind travel free.....peace
part2
i didn't have time to finish my last paper , some days are like that , wakin'up by the phone ,eow left the room with my jacquet for drive my motorcycle and she didn't see my passport and my atm card in,she go to rayong i have see her there tonight but no cigarettes no money for even a coffee, it's wonderfull the start well,i don't relly care ,i call the condo room service they know me, with all the tips i give they can wit for to pay a cup of coffee and some cigarettes,Cake call me to,i think she want me to go see her , i try to take one hour before go Rayong an stay with her in ICU(intensive care unit) when get in this part of Rangsit Hospital it's like another world ,another time, force you to silence and respect like when you go at church the only sound it's the ones from the Artificial respiratory(sorry i don't know if it's the wright word) and this sound this ''BIP...bip...BIP...''like the Sputnit when it was in gravitation around the world, like theses poors fellows in the room are on gravitation around the life,,i want cry but i can't they are so young and close to death....this remind me how we are fragile, and everey second of breath it's a gift
does he understand
Does He Understand
night ending
Night ending in my city.....the girls and boys night birds jump on a cab or seat on a taxibike if they just have few coins patpong close the bars the gogodancers hangin' on the pavement chatin' drinkin' the air is heavy the minds are scramble ,some lookin' for ''E'' or ''YA'' some just want go home ,home,home...a small room sharing the rent, playing cards formwinning the right to not going workin bar tomorrow ,some gays fighting for a customer, let's change place.....Bangkok is big Bangkok have many face, just keep walking few block east and let's go to lumpini park...old ladies and old men practicing ''tai-chi'' on tha grass some other running, a young boy feed the fishes in the lake, before sunrise,i walk to the 7/eleven buying some cigarettes, take a cup of coffee, my phone ringing,..''.allo! Aissa where are you!'' ,''who speaking'', ''it's me porn'' ,what did i do bad in an other life to have to support that pain,yes ,Porn she's a painfull memory, living together i use to lovedher a lot and she knew that,and she played games ,i realised after 6 month that this girl was a trick,a fake,she's an angel face with an evil heart, so i decided to quit, and never see her ,because seeing her made me weak ,and everytime she looked me i was like ice at sun ,i forgived her,so ,no visual contact, she was my kryptonite but i never was asuperman so you can imagine the pain, now she said everyone who want hear us that we are in good terms and even some times we date for a restaurant or a night together ,it's a lie i never called her back,she say she realised and she change she's ready for me, i just want say to her ''speak with your memory,all the good things for you are out of me ,i can't trust and if there's no trust...there's no love!so i do what do everytimes i close my phone, she willcall back but i ll stay strong, many things ,many events since we stop seeing each others,and Bangkok it's special you can have ten stories to tell each days,beutifull,violent,creepy,or simply magic, i smell the fresh wind, a new day coming, i dont want to sleep i call Eow in 4 days it's her birthday i want her happy has she make me happy after porn and me broke up, she was her friend but she choose to care of me like everyone knowned us because she did really bad things ,Eow was a witness ,she have a golden heart she love the beach tonight we'll go to Rayong a small city ,no much tourist, savage beach a good spot for spend the night..........peace
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